💀 Attention, Unverified Endpoints 💀

This year we implemented Zero Trust across the storied Fatass Fun Run 1K-ish. Then we ran out of budget, so we only implemented the “zero” part. There is no start line. There is no course. There are no marshals, no course marshals, no water stops, and no adult supervision of any kind. There is a table. Heed these words, for the table is all you get:

• Authenticate Yourself: A stopwatch on the table is your credential. Take one. When they are gone, so is your session.
• Provision Your Own Route: Run, walk, sleep, jog, bike, etc. The course is whatever you say it is. No marshals, no water stops, no witnesses. Nobody is validating your path. Nobody is validating anything.
• THE FINISH LINE: Report to the Trust Anchor. When you stop the watch, your race is not over. You must locate Gnow1 somewhere inside the conference and report your time to his face. Finding him is the hard part. He is not hiding. He is also not helping.

So lace your boots, trust no one, and understand that this year the only thing standing between you and a prize is the honor system and your ability to find a man in a crowd.

Will your time be legitimate, or merely unverifiable? We will never know. That is the entire point.

The table goes out at 9am -ish on Fri, September 25th, 2026, near the river at the usual starting point. It stays out until the cupcakes are gone.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Take a stopwatch, take a cupcake (if you desire), press start. That is the whole starting procedure. There is no gun, no horn, and no one who cares.
2. There are “some” stopwatches and “some” prizes. Do that math on how many are gone before you decide how hard to sprint.
3. Stop your watch whenever you feel you have accomplished something. Self-attestation is an accepted control at this event and at approximately zero others.
4. Find Gnow1 (wearing Safety Green GrrCON shirt) in the conference and report your time. Prizes go to the first finishers who report, until the prizes run out. Then it is over, no matter who is still out there jogging, walking, running, sleeping, etc..
5. RETURN THE STOPWATCH. WE REUSE THOSE. LAST YEAR SOMEBODY TOOK ONE HOME AND WE ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT WHEN WE TRY TO SPLEEP AT NIGHT.
6. Sign up your team of three, or sign up solo.
7. A costume is not required to participate in the race, but those who choose to do so will be eligible for more sweet prizes. To get credit you must be wearing it when you find Gnow1
8. DO NOT RUN INSIDE THE VENUE. You will create a dangerous situation for other people. If Gnow1 sees you running inside, you are disqualified.
9. Participate at your own risk of health, wellbeing, legal status, and sanity. GrrCON provides no warranties, guarantees or assertions to your ability to participate.
10. Prices and participation may vary, but we’re not above being bribed.
11. Participate at your own risk of health, wellbeing, legal status, and sanity. GrrCON provides no warranties, guarantees, or assertions regarding your ability to participate, your chosen route, or the traffic on it.
12. Cupcakes are not allergen labeled and may contain things that will harm, irritate or otherwise not settle with you. If that matters to you, it matters to you.

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GrrCON takes no responsibility for your health or wellbeing. Consult your medical professional prior to participating. Participation is at your own risk.